has arrived and is nearly gone and I am mindful of several things:
I am mindful that the hype over turning thirty-two is done and now I am just afraid.
I am mindful of the fact that another family member has read my anthology’s short story and now has seen into a part of myself that I decided to put out there.
I am mindful of the fact that I have a rented violin now, for a limited amount of time, and that I’m going to have those days when I just don’t feel like practicing.
I am mindful that I already have those days when it comes to writing.
I am mindful that Valentine’s Day is just a day, just one day.
I am mindful that today is Monday, it’s just another day, but that the day does get a bad reputation.
I am mindful that today is Family Day and I have myself a good one of those. Not everybody can say that.
I still don’t know how I feel about my short story, but it’s out there. Whether it’s my writing or the violin music I am hoping to create, I can’t let the bad days or the moments of doubt convince me to stop trying.
I have a plan to write about “love” all month long, which can be hard because that might mean revealing things about myself that aren’t easy to say or to hear. I am aware that my family reads this blog (plus an old boyfriend or two from time to time).
I should always remain aware of those things, be mindful of those people, not going out of my way to say something hurtful, but that I am ultimately doing this writing thing for me. Everyone else knows what being in my life, the life of a writer past or present, what that might mean. They know what they are getting when they read and I appreciate that they do.
I am lucky to have the kind of relationship I have with my brother, one that might involve playing music together one day, but also that he knows me and sticks up for me and challenges me on things.
I am glad to share a February family birthday with not one but two brothers. It makes singing Happy Birthday at family celebrations tricky, trying to get all three names in there, but luckily for me, I only have two.
This topic of love can feel exhausting at times. Not sure what I thought I was getting into when I decided to write about it all February long, but life itself is an exhausting process most of the time.
I am lucky to have this blog, for two years now, and my biggest fear is that it all could disappear suddenly and without warning. I don’t know what I would ever do if that happened.
So, back to writing, back to playing “music”, and back to feeling exhausted, but at least I’m mindful of all of this, right?
I love all of this.