I am writing, for a little stream of consciousness therapy today, but what to write about?
I could speak about the recent passing of Nobel Peace Prize writer, teacher, and Holocaust educator Elie Wiesel.
He wrote about the loss of his family and horrifying imprisonment in a concentration camp in the memoir
I saw an old interview with him on Charlie Rose.
I could, but I can’t. I won’t.
I read news about his death. I reflected back on the reading of his memorable memoir, which I read over ten years ago most likely. I thought about his story and I vowed to carry on being a witness, (indirectly) of the horrors, which humans are capable of, but I just can’t dwell on all that too hard.
I would again have to hear things I don’t want to hear, things about concentration camps during World War II. I know about all that, more than I’d like to, being obsessed on this period in history, many times in my own life.
But now, with all that’s happening in the current climate of killings, anger, ignorance, and inability or unwillingness to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes, I just can’t.
Stream of Consciousness Saturday, #SoCS
I am having issues with concentration lately.
I can’t seem to focus on one thing. My writing. My blog. My violin. My thoughts.
I feel all over the place. I want to do so many things, but don’t last long on any one of them.
I’ve lost it, whatever “it” is.
I want to know what is going on in the world around me, but every time I listen in, I hear something worse than the time before.
It’s on my Facebook and on the news on TV. I take breaks from both, but this just leaves me feeling disconnected. Is what I’m doing, in my own life, is that worth drowning the rest of the world out entirely?
Don’t I need to be aware, as a grown woman in today’s society, of what’s going on?
But it’s all race debates, class debates, political debates in the US.
It’s government disarray in the UK.
It’s a growing migrant crisis in Europe.
It’s ISIS central in the Middle East.
I want to get out there, to experience more of the world, instead of just reading about it, though I love reading in its place. I can’t not read, yet my Safari App on my phone keeps bursting with the many articles I open up and vow to read. I don’t make it back, yet I keep on adding to the cue.
That is how I feel about my life, yet I know the chaos going on in my brain is only a sample of what’s happening everywhere.
I have a problem with concentration, but I expect I’m not the only one.
Today, to speak about
has been no problem for me.
I can’t stop myself for very long, but during those breaks from the outside world, I am not in denial. I am practicing self preservation in the midst of so much I cannot control.
So, I write. I blog. I make “music” (of sorts) on my violin. I work on creative projects with my brother, (both song lyrics and our new podcast).
I create because I must. I spread a little genuine kindness and compassion through all these things. I hope I can make the world a better place. Lets all try a little more of that.
11 thoughts on “Denial Vs Self Preservation, #SoCS”
You are not alone in how you feel Kerry. I’ve been feeling the same way only I couldn’t put it into words like you did here. Hugs ❤
Glad to know I’m not alone on this, as I suspected, though it’s a shame because I’d rather nobody else have to feel so utterly helpless about what’s going on in the world.
Thanks Steph. thanks for reading my disjointed thoughts.
Thanks for sharing Kerry!! ❤
Well said. 🐞
Thanks. Thanks for reading.
I know the feeling, Kerry. Same here, can’t concentrate on any one thing. 🙂
Not such a nice feeling, is it?
Hope we find a clearer focus soon.
So do I. All the unrest across the world sure wears us down.
Dosen’t it just kill you? When you get mired in your mind. Always a ton of shit going on in there. Most of the time you can navigate without issue. But yeah, there are those days when it’s impossible to concentrate which leads to frustration which leads to feeling bad – invariably about yourself.
The news thing. I once thought as you do. How can I function “out there” if I don’t know what’s going on. Trust me. You can. It’s darned near impossible to not hear about a few headlines every now and again but that’s all you need to know. Conserve your energy. Continue to write, to blog, to make music. I think it’s fantastic that you have creative projects you’re working on with your brother Kerry.
Mired. Perfect word for it. Love it.
Thanks for that. Appreciate hearing your thoughts on all this.
I will conserve and create.