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Mother, May I? #TGIF #MothersDay #FTSF

“You didn’t raise us right.”

That might not sound like something a child (even a grown one) should say to their parent, but we say it all the time. It’s one of those inside jokes in our family and you’d have to be quite familiar with how we roll to get the humour in such a statement.

I see it as a commentary on just how hard it is to be a parent, something we’re all realizing as grown children and a fact my brother and sister (both fairly new to parenting) are especially coming to understand. Parenting is hard and our parents did well, incredibly well.

Our mother was half of that effort. Happy Mother’s Day Mom. XOXO

***

Oh, Mother sounds like the beginnings of a swear word to me, but I can see that being one of the many parts of being a parent, a mother, as motherhood sometimes causes swearing (hopefully under one’s breath) to occur.

I’m reminded, every March, that Mother’s Day isn’t celebrated the same time of year in all places around the world.

When I think Mother’s Day, I think floral arrangements, but a big reason for that is my mom’s particular love of flowers, plus spring in full bloom.

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The magnolia is one of my mom’s favourites.

As for Mother’s Day long gone, I think of bringing flowers to my oma, my dad’s mother.

Recently I have been thinking more about a serious topic, with the new video honouring the mother of a seriously ill child, especially as I think back twenty or so years to when my mom had her husband in an operating room, undergoing surgery in one hospital, while having her youngest daughter (me) in an operating room across the street at Toronto’s Hospital For Sick Children.

What strength she had to have shown that day. I was so focused, at the time on myself going into surgery. I was just young enough that I didn’t really think of such things, per se, as what my mom might be going through, the thought of possibly losing a daughter and/or a husband that day, however slim the chances.

Now, this year, I wanted to write an article where I interviewed some of the moms in the video and mine, but I was unable to secure a publication spot. I will write this piece, sooner or later though. In fact, I think my own mom and I could co-author a book of our own together.

So much of what she did for me, fighting for the integrated education I had, she did with such determination. She would have gladly written/spoken about it, and has done. I hope to write about it, from my perspective, at some point too. The world needs to know there is a mother like mine out there.

My mom heard I was receiving a few odd and rather spammy comments on my blog and warned me to cut back on posting on my blog for a while, to lay low, and yet here I am.

It’s not like I don’t value her advice. In fact, there’s nobody whose opinion I value more.

I always take it into advisement and, this time, while I saw her point, I decided I couldn’t not write my blog. I recognized her suggestion as that of a worried mother, one always a little afraid of what the Internet might attract. I couldn’t very well fault her for worrying about me.

I can never express everything my mom did for me, to get me through the tough times, and to celebrate the happy times, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try anyway.

***

I spent a night at my sister’s house, the one we grew up in as kids, staying home with my infant niece while her mother went to a Mother’s Day tea with my nephew, at his school, the same school his mother and I attended growing up.

We discussed the soother, a tool many mothers choose to give their babies. My sister didn’t with my nephew and isn’t with my niece. She has tried to avoid it. This brings up the whole judgment thing, mothers judging each other and also themselves, and everyone knows how common that is and also how toxic it can become.

I respect my sister’s decision. I respect the soother rout many moms choose to take. Neither one is the wrong one, same as breast fed/bottle/formula or the many other choices mothers must make, both big and small.

I did wonder, as I held my niece and played with my nephew, hearing about the funny kick in the air thing he did when he got off the bus and heard that I was still there, about my own thoughts on Mother’s Day.

I leave all the hard decisions to my sister, knowing in my heart that she will make the best decisions for her children, just like our mother did for us. This leaves me and my thoughts once all the crying, cooing, and little boy questions and stories have given way to me being on my own again tonight.

Mother’s Day is a time where I’ve celebrated my grandmother, now my own mother and the mothers of my precious nieces and nephews. It’s when I hear all about mother/mom and try not to think too hard about what I might never be or have or do. Will I ever be a mother myself?

As each March/May comes and goes, I feel as though the possibility of my becoming a mom grows ever slimmer. Will I ever make peace with that, if that ends up being my lot in life?

I don’t know, honestly. It may, very well, be the best thing. Truthfully, it is painful for me, when I see a mother and their baby, no matter the age, even as being a daughter is one of the best parts of being me. I see the way a mother talks and interacts with their child. I wonder what that feels like.

Do I have that, to some degree, of course. I feel the force of the bond and connection between myself and my nieces and nephews, a feeling I was unfamiliar with, just over six short years ago. Is this the same, or even close to what they feel?

I do derive some comfort when I’m told that the two intensities of emotion and love aren’t all that far apart, sure I do. Is it enough to take away all the sting of it?

I am lucky. I know that. That’s about all I know. I love my nieces and nephews, my sisters who are mothers, and my mother too. I wish flowers and family for you all.

***

This has been another edition of
Finish the Sentence Friday
and an awfully special one at that.

Kristi is the host, like always, but this week she has
Lisa from The Meaning of Me
joining her.

Happy Mother’s Day ladies. Two of the best mothers I’ve met in recent years.

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12 thoughts on “Mother, May I? #TGIF #MothersDay #FTSF

  1. Wow, there’s a whole lot here, Kerry. That video? Wow. Wow, wow. To that, of course when you had surgery you wouldn’t have thought about your mom – that’s the way it’s supposed to be, right? I love that you’re so close to your family there. My brothers both have kids but both live far away from us and I don’t see them often. I wish I were closer. That Tucker had them next door.
    When it comes to you being a mom, or not, hang in there. I thought I’d be a mom long ago. I didn’t have Tucker until I was 40, and now he’s seven, and my husband’s daughter is 22 and has had a baby. Life is unexpected for sure. Happy Mother’s Day to your mom and to all of the moms in your life. Thank you for the sweet message at the end of this post (also, ignore any trolls always please because they’re not what’s important about writing your heart!).

    PS Magnolia trees are my favorite too. Growing up in Colorado, we didn’t have them and it took me about four years living in Virginia to find out what that tree was with the huge blossoms on it.

  2. This is such a beautiful tribute to your mother , Kerry . Mothers are really so precious . Where would we be without them , their unadulterated love and care ! Parenting is a uniquely different decision for each parent and I so appreciate how you respect and support your sister’s parenting decisions . Here’s to the wonderful mother on each of us on Mother ‘s day .
    Best wishes ,
    Moon

  3. tamaralikecamera says:

    Oh boy – that video. It gutted me.
    My sister didn’t have a sick baby, but he was born two months early. I remember the pain and anguish during his time in the NICU. My son was in there for six days and that scarred me for life.
    My mom’s birthday is the 15th of May, so I remember many Mother’s Day like this one today – a day before her birthday. A double celebration.

    • It’s hard to have to see anyone ill, let alone a child. Breaks your heart.

      My sister’s birthday is the 19th and my brother and his wife and kids will be here on the weekend to celebrate birthday/Mother’s Day, our entire family.

  4. Your mother sounds like quite the mom! I cannot imagine what she must have gone through with both you and your father in surgery. I love that she is still trying to protect you in all the mothering ways. And, I have watched that video several times and cried as I saw myself in those moms, each of them, thinking about Esmé’s various hospital stays. I hope you do write that article at some point!

    • She is one of a kind for sure.

      I have heard from several people, how gut wrenching that video is. I can’t see what’s happening in it, but I don’t need to see to feel the emotions throughout. I hope it didn’t bring up too many bad memories for you. Those memories never really leave us.

      Happy Mother’s Day.

  5. Pingback: TToT: Speaker of Latin, Scratcher of Words #10Thankful | Her Headache

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