I say I crave it, but it’s hard to obtain it.
I can’t seem to
find the silence
in all that goes on.
the buzzing inside my own head. I think too much, about too many unanswerable questions.
I can’t stand the silence sometimes, seconds ticking by. I always have something going, playing, to occupy my thoughts, though they run on and on anyway. When I go to sleep I always have music on in the background or Netflix on my phone. I listen until sleep overtakes me.
I live with sound in the daylight hours too. My computer and my phone have voice software to read my emails and text messages. I have separate sounding notification beeps to alert me to what comes through my phone. I am constantly listening for those.
I listen to the birds and the sirens and other vehicles, just outside my window. I listen for my dog to inevitably bark at something and I listen for a sign that my cat is nearby. He doesn’t meow as much as he chirps you see.
I listen for a knock at my door because my doorbell hasn’t been functional in years.
I listen because I can barely see.
I wrote about
a few days ago, for Just Jot It January.
I feel blown away that someone’s worst fear would be to lose their sight, but I know the feeling. I also know that the thought of losing my ability to hear is simply unthinkable to me.
And the search for silent moments, for peace and quiet, all while thankful I have the ability to hear the sound if I choose, it continues.