Memoir and Reflections, Piece of Cake, Song Lyric Sunday, Spotlight Sunday

When I Was Young, #SongLyricSunday

The whims and choices of life, like some roll of the dice, or the drawing of one card from a deck before or after being shuffled.

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The US has an age limit of eighteen for when someone can fight and die for their country, kill another human being (enemy) in battles, wars that shouldn’t be happening in the first place.

Yet, no alcohol until the twenties. Then, God forbid a twenty-year-old couldn’t buy guns, right?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzpLMD1xb0Q

But I wasn’t intending this to become a political post of any kind. I just find it funny. Not haha funny, but unbelievable and rotten in fact, that for instance, those teens who died by all those bullets on February 14th will never see twenty-one.

Okay, I’m done. On I go to remember when I was twenty-one.

***

I don’t think it’s going to happen anymore.
You took my thoughts from me. Now I want nothing more.
And did you think you could just take it all away?
I don’t think it’s happ’ning, this is what I say.
Leave me alone, leave me alone, Leave me alone ’cause I found it all. Twenty one, twenty one, twenty one…

So I don’t think it’s going to happen anymore. I don’t think it’s going, To happen anymore.
Twenty one, twenty one, twenty one… [X 2] Today… [X 4]
Twenty one… [X 14]

LYRICS

***

As I picked my selection for a song about numbers, for this week’s
Song Lyric Sunday
I tried to remember, but I honestly don’t recall a whole lot from when I was the age Dolores O’Riordan sings about in this one.

She was a song writer, around that age though, when her biggest hit album came out. She was experiencing fame and notoriety around the world. I wasn’t famous, then or now, but I can’t imagine the power and the pressure.

That was the year though, (I was twenty-one-and-a-half) when I lost my dear grandma. I was experiencing loss and grief, as an adult, (for the first of many times) and I would soon move out on my own.

I was still stuck believing I had no control or power over my own life, or not much at least. I would soon buy a house and learn I could find something of my own path going forward.

I am trying to write a letter to my younger self, for a project called
Letters Anthology
and have been trying to think back to my early twenties. As I enter my mid thirties, I can reflect and try to remember that young woman I once was, but it is harder than I’d have thought. I have been through so much, some of which I’ve chosen, but I still see a lot of living as a roll of the dice.

I haven’t played any card games or games of dice in a long time (used to love playing our family’s version of Dice with my grandma when she was alive) and not as far as gambling goes. I stay as far away as possible from those loud places. So much so that I couldn’t even recall, when I started this post earlier today, if the game Twenty-one was cards or dice.

My grandma couldn’t always play dice with us for very long, as she had fibromyalgia and the use of her arms to roll the dice was hard on her. Now, and starting around the time I turned twenty-one, I got diagnosed also. Sometimes, just washing my own hair is hard on my arms now, raising them up above my head for too long.

I do know that living, truly living, is a gamble. It’s the kind of gambling I’d rather do. If I’m going to take a chance on something or someone, I’d like it to start and end with taking a chance on mmyself.

Now, back to writing that letter to the twenty-one-year-old me.

What do you remember about being twenty-one? Would you rather gamble with cards, a roll of the dice, or in/on life?

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Fickle Flames, #SongLyricSunday

“A golden bird that flies away. A candle’s fickle flame. To think I held you yesterday. Our love was just a game.”

—Cake

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You call and you call and you get no answer:

I love this one. The dial tone is the first sound you hear, then the trumpets and the noise makers and, finally, video game sounds.

HEY!

***

I need your arms around me,
I need to feel your touch,
I need your understanding, I need your love,
So much,

You tell me that you love me so,
You tell me that you care,
But when I need you, (BABY)
Baby, (You’re never there),

On the phone,
Long long distance,
Always through such,
Strong resistance,
When first you say,
You’re too busy,
I wonder if you,
Even miss me,

Never there,
You’re never there,
You’re never, ever,
Ever ever there,

A golden bird that flies away,
A candle’s fickle flame,
To think I held you yesterday,
Your love was just a game,

A golden bird that flies away,
A candle’s fickle flame,
To think I held you yesterday,
Your love was just a game,

You tell me that you love me so,
You tell me that you care,
But when I need you, (BABY)
Baby,

Take the time,
To get to know me,
If you want me,
Why can’t you just show me,

We’re always on,
This roller coaster,
If you want me,
Why can’t you get closer,

Never there,
You’re never there,
You’re never, ever,
Ever ever there,

Never there,
You’re never there,
You’re never, ever,
Ever ever there

LYRICS

***

Rather needy, these lyrics, by whomever sings this. Still, it calls to mind that thing where we expect instant responses. It was always, as long as the phone has been around, the story of infatuation and desperation in “love”.

This whole
Song Lyric Sunday
thing just got a lot easier.

I got myself Apple Music for my birthday and now I have 33 million songs at my disposal, a treasure trove of music at my fingertips to choose from.

It’s both delightful and glorious.

Technology, frustrating at times, but so handy and convenient in this case.

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Coming Clean and Being Free, #SongLyricSunday

I’ve learned, you can’t hide from yourself, if you’re going to be a writer. Believe me, I’ve tried.

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Letting it rain, this one feels heavy with some sort of shame:

Hopefully something’s being washed away.

Being “witness to the perfect crime,” whatever that is, are her words. Amanda Marshall was someone whose tape I once owned, when tapes were the way to go. This song always felt like such a powerful one.

***

I have given, I have given and got none
Still I’m driven by something I can’t explain
It’s not a cross, it is a choice
I cannot help but hear his voice
I only wish that I could listen without shame
Let it rain, let it rain on me
Let it rain, oh let it rain
Let it rain on me

I have been a witness to the perfect crime
I Wipe the grin off of my face to hide the blame
It isn’t worth the tears you cry
To have a perfect alibi
Now I’m beaten at the hands of my own game
Let it rain, let it rain on me
Let it rain, oh let it rain
Let it rain on me

It isn’t easy to be kind
With all these demons in my mind
I only hope one day I’ll be free

I do my best not to complain
My face is dirty from the strain
I only hope one day I’ll come clean

Rain, let it rain on me
Let it rain, oh let it rain
Let it rain on me

Come take my hand
We can walk to the light
And without fear
We can’t see through the darkest night
Rain, rain on me
Let it rain, oh let it rain
Let it rain on me

LYRICS

***

It sounds like she is shouting the lyrics, in frustration, in fear.

I chose this one for
Song Lyric Sunday
because I thought it could be referring to some kind of secret or secret causing such shame.

If the subject this week is truth, well I know writing and lyrics can be powerful tools for righting wrongs and revealing hard truths, even if through a minefield of twisting, turning lyrics.

There is truth in there, somewhere, in and amongst the demons that we all acquire in life.

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Ode to the Mashed Potato Music, #TheCranberries #RIP #SongLyricSunday

Like a pile of warm mashed potatoes, as odd as that sounds – my mom makes them and my grandmother made them once too. Your voice has always been there,

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as a steadfast and loyal
place and space of comfort.

I think I need to start making a list, keeping track of all the songs I’ve chosen for this thing. Can’t remember if I’ve done this one already, as I have shared multiple songs by The Cranberries here.

Oh well. She is gone and I am sad and I find solace in the sound of her voice. Comfort, very much needed this week.

***

Understand the things I say
Don’t turn away from me,
‘Cause I’ve spent half my life out there
You wouldn’t disagree.
Do you see me? Do you see?
Do you like me?
Do you like me standing there?
Do you notice? Do you know?
Do you see me?
Do you see me?

Does anyone care?

Unhappiness
Where’s when I was young,
And we didn’t give a damn,
‘Cause we were raised,
To see life as fun
And take it if we can.
My mother, my mom,
She hold me, she hold me
When I was out there.
My father, my father,
He liked me, oh, he liked me.

Does anyone care?

Understand what I’ve become,
It wasn’t my design.
And people everywhere think something
Better than I am.
But I miss you, I miss,
‘Cause I liked it,
‘Cause I liked it when I was out there.
Do you know this? Do you know
You did not find me?
You did not find. Does anyone care?

Unhappiness
Where’s when I was young,
And we didn’t give a damn,
‘Cause we were raised,
To see life as fun
And take it if we can.
My mother, my mom,
She hold me, she hold me
When I was out there.
My father, my father,
He liked me, oh, he liked me.

Does anyone care?

[9x]

LYRICS

***

I’m sure we grew up with somewhat different lives, from Ireland to Canada, but it feels like a similar familial comfort once existing there.

You wonder sometimes, when the world gets rough, does anyone care?

Of course, someone cares. Of course, but the question still gets asked.

Many people focus on her pension for the “dooodooodooos” in their songs. Depending on my mood, I found this mildly irritating to lovely, but her voice could and did do more, go further, into intense and haunting tones and cries of something, something I can’t quite recognize.

I chose this song because family are a comfort. I know it’s not like that for everyone and nobody’s perfect, but where else can such security and comfort come from than that?

To her family and to mine. That’s where the comfort lies.

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The Licking of the Flames, #SongLyricSunday

Storms and slides. Mud, water, fire, wind, snow. Oh, the entire world, burning uncontrollably.

The natural world is a powerful force and it cares little for what we mere mortals think or want.

Song Lyric Sunday, #SongLyricSunday

In Ontario (the province where I live) and out east in Nova Scotia there have been two awful house fires in the news the last few weeks, killing multiple adults and children.

Sometimes it is human error and sometimes there is no-one to blame, though blame is rather off point.

We humans like to spread it all around, but where does it get us?

I hear all of these disasters, going on all around, and I remain untouched where I reside, but my mind races and can’t keep pace with world events.

Then there are those fires that some start, metaphorically, to distract and divide and destroy.

***

Hearts are worn in these dark ages
You’re not alone in this story’s pages
The light has fallen amongst the living and the dying
And I’ll try to hold it in, yeah I’ll try to hold it in
[
Chorus] The world’s on fire
and It’s more than I can handle
I’ll tap into the water (Try and bring my share)
I try to bring more More than I can handle (Bring it to the table) Bring what I am able

I watch the heavens but I find no calling
Something I can do to change what’s coming
Stay close to me while the sky is falling
Don’t wanna be left alone, don’t wanna be alone
[
Chorus]

Hearts break, hearts mend Love still hurts
Visions clash, planes crash Still there’s talk of
Saving souls, still the cold Is closing in on us
We part the veil on our killer sun
Stray from the straight line on this short run
The more we take, the less we become
The fortune of one that means less for some
[
Chorus X2]

LYRICS

***

It feels as though the whole world is on fire, more and more these days, alarm bells going off on all sides, in all directions.

I stand, somehow avoiding the licking of the flames directly – for now anyway.

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On Holding On and On Letting Go, #SongLyricSunday

I listen to music to help fight off the madness.

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I never mean it to sound like I diminish the experiences of mental illness and other conditions and concerns, but the madness threatens us all, in one way or another.

Song Lyric Sunday

I didn’t realize, until these last few years, just how it might feel. I can at least glimpse the feeling, the state of being, or however I’m likely misspeaking on its reality.

Still, I try to decide, to help fight these feelings inside of me and from world events and at the state of things, if I can trust the holding onto of others or if that’s only a temporary life raft.

It feels a little like Jack and Rose, in Titanic (which was released nearly ten years before I ever heard this song I believe. The young lovers only have each other to hold onto and the ship’s going down, no matter what they do.

***

Michael Jackson (Feat. Carlos Santana)

He gives another smile, tries to understand her side
To show that he cares
She can’t stay in the room
She’s consumed with everything that’s been goin’ on
She says
Whatever happens, don’t let go of my hand

Everything will be alright, he assures her
But she doesn’t hear a word that he say
Preoccupied, she’s afraid
Afraid what they’ve been doing’s not right
He doesn’t know what to say, so he prays
Whatever, whatever, whatever

Whatever happens, don’t let go of my hand
Whatever happens, don’t let go of my hand
Whatever happens, don’t you let go of my hand
Don’t let go of my hand
Don’t let go of my hand

He’s working day and night, thinks he’ll make her happy
Forgetting all the dreams that he had
He doesn’t realize it’s not the end of the world
It doesn’t have to be that bad
She tried to explain, “It’s you that makes me happy,”
Whatever, whatever, whatever

Whatever happens, don’t let go of my hand
See, whatever happens, don’t let go of my hand
Whatever happens, don’t let go of my hand
See, whatever happens, don’t let go of my hand
See, whatever happens, don’t you let go of my hand
See, don’t you do it baby
I said yeah
Don’t you let go baby
See, you
Don’t you do it
Whatever happens, don’t let go of my hand
Whatever happens, don’t let go of my hand
Whatever happens, don’t you let go of my hand
Don’t you let go baby
Don’t you, don’t you let go
I said yeah
Can I get how it feels baby
Don’t you let go baby
Yeah
Oh

Whatever happens, just don’t let go of, my hand.

LYRICS

***

This song played, on repeat, on my new tiny, red iPod ten years or so ago it was now. I found it and could not let go, never getting enough of its sound, and it feels like it illustrates a world gone mad.

I can feel the urgency, desperation, and intensity in every note. Utter madness.

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All the Trimmings of the Season #Christmas #SongLyricSunday

I was in danger of missing Christmas once, three years ago.

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Dramatic, perhaps, but I wasn’t feeling my usual joyousness.

This song helped bring that back:

And this year my brother included it in his holiday special, on his weekly radio show, in dedication to me.

I then proceeded to dance/flail around my living room to it. It’s a long song, the full version, and I was worn out by the end, but what a workout.

***

The Waitresses – “Christmas Wrapping” (LYRICS)

***

Hope you’ve enjoyed this Christmas 2017 edition of
Song Lyric Sunday
and on we go toward New Year’s Eve.

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Song Lyric Sunday, Spotlight Sunday

In My Day… #SongLyricSunday

I dedicate this one to my father.

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Sometimes a song comes on the radio and speaks to someone:

Here you go Dad.

***

You shine like a star
You know who you are
You’re everything beautiful
She’s hot, hot like the sun
The loneliest one
Still everything beautiful
Well I’ll be god damned
You’re standing at my door
We stayed up in the city
Until the stars lost the war
So Friday night, holy ghost
Take me to your level
Show me the one I need the most
I need the most

I wish I knew you when I was young
We could’ve got so high
Now we’re here it’s been so long
Two strangers in the bright lights
Oh I hope you don’t mind
We can share my mood
Two strangers in the bright lights
I wish I knew you
I wish I knew you
Oh I wish I knew you when I was young

Truth, it’s all that you need
You bury that seed
It’s everything beautiful
That sound comes from the underground
It’s all inside you now
It’s everything beautiful
But what are you running from?
They got you on the run?
So Friday night, holy ghost
Take me to your level
Show me the one I need the most
I need the most

I wish I knew you when I was young
We could’ve got so high
Now we’re here it’s been so long
Two strangers in the bright lights
Oh and I hope you don’t mind
We can share my mood, yeah
Two strangers in the bright lights
I wish I knew you
I wish I knew you
Oh I wish I knew you when I was young

Maybe we can share my mood
Whoa, whoa, whoa
Maybe we can share my mood
Whoa, whoa, whoa
Maybe we can share my mood
Whoa, whoa, whoa

I wish I knew you when I was young
We could’ve got so high
Now we’re here it’s been so long
Two strangers in the bright lights
Oh and I hope you don’t mind
We can share my mood, yeah
Two strangers in the bright lights
I wish I knew you
I wish I knew you
Oh I wish I knew you when I was young

LYRICS

***

This week’s
SLS:
so near the holidays and the end of yet another year, and a lot of wishing goes on for us all.

It’s all the pretending we partake in and the pretending things were once better that can get in the way of living in the “now” of the present.

Regrets are plentiful. It’s a main theme in A Christmas Carol and I watch at Christmas, every single year, and think of the past, present, and future of it all.

Pretending things are fine when they aren’t. Pretending things were so much better when they likely weren’t.

And here’s to not having to pretend so much.

Cheers!

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Serene Scene of Snowflake Stars, #SongLyricSunday

It’s nearly Christmas (just another two weeks to go) and the snow has fallen in Canada, where I live, already now.

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Fitting then, that this theme is
“falling” (be it falling in love or the falling Christmas snow)
and I have the image of snowflakes falling, glinting in the blackness of the night’s sky, like stars perhaps.

Maybe, that is how my slightly off kilter blind brain imagines it, but is making no sense to anyone else.

A little flashback music from nearly two decades gone by: my guide dog and Beverly Hills 90210 come to mind.

***

“Crush”

Ah crush ah
See you blowin’ me a kiss it doesn’t take a scientist
To understand what’s goin’ on baby
If you see somethin’ in my eye, let’s not overanalyze
Don’t go too deep with it baby
So let it be what it’ll be
Don’t make a fuss and go crazy over you and me
Here’s what I do, I’ll play it loose
Not like we have a date with destiny

It’s just a little crush
Not like I faint every time we touch
It’s just some little thing
Not like everything I do depends on you
Sha la la la, sha la la la

It’s raisin’ my adrenalin, you’re bangin’ on a heart of tin
Please don’t make too much of it, baby
Say, “That we’re forever more”
That’s not what I’m lookin’ for, all I can commit to is maybe
So let it be what it’ll be
Don’t make a fuss and go crazy over you and me
Here’s what I do, I’ll play it loose
Not like we have a date with destiny

It’s just a little crush
Not like I faint every time we touch
It’s just some little thing
Not like everything I do depends on you
Sha la la la, sha la la la

Vanilla skies
White picket fences in your eyes
A vision of you and me

It’s just a little crush
Not like I faint every time we touch
It’s just some little thing
Not like everything I do depends on you
Sha la la la, sha la la la
Not like I faint every time we touch
It’s just some little thing
Not like everything I do depends on you
Sha la la la, sha la la la

LYRICS

***

This one just happened to come on, randomly yesterday, taking me back to another time in my life.

I remember certain Christmas seasons when soft snowflakes made way to intense feelings. You’re falling, like those December snowflakes, and you can’t stop it or even seem to slow it down. A slow drifting would be nice for once.

It fits for many times though, being a song about relationships, however they begin and whatever form they take – one person might see it as no big deal, while the other can’t stay quite so nonchalant about the whole thing.

How do you know when you are falling for someone/when they will never do the same for you?

Instead, life is so complicated anyway, in so many parts and places – I imagine those snowflake stars softly falling to the ground, frenzied intensity, while I listen to this song while such a serene scene goes on right outside my window.

More “falling” to come.

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Phoenix Force #SongLyricSunday #IDPD2017

December 3rd is
International Day of Persons with Disabilities
and this year’s theme for IDPD 2017: “Transformation towards sustainable and resilient society for all.”

All this takes courage.

Each year I live through is a lesson in courage.

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But I have hope and this song makes me want to keep fighting to find my courage, through rain and winter cold and into next summer:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMdyiFubOTE

With each successive year that comes and goes I keep trying and finding my faith in all things, most things anyway.

I am going to see Sarah Slean live next week, as an early Christmas gift. She is a treasure of Canada and our lesser known music scene and on the list of some unfamiliar artists and performers.

***

Sarah, gone are the days of the lonesome dove
So solitary you are tangled in love now
With layers so deep and a reach so wide
You can’t escape it and so,
Goodbye, yeah it hurts like hell
But you could not love him
And not lie to yourself, Sarah.

Sarah, falling apart at the seams this time
You lost your bearings so
Put roots in the earth now and close up the Windows, the rain has come
And tears will follow and so bear down to the Winter cold,
Come this summer this phoenix will unfold.
Just wait and see.

This is not the end.
You will be loved again.

Sarah, be not afraid of the wounded one
Who comes with poems and
To drink from the fountain
Of the little you know about love and god
And letting go but oh,
He’s been to the Shadowlands.
Still you want to love him, want to hold those Hands and hear him say “Sarah…”

This is not the end.
You will be loved again.

This is not the end.
You will be loved again.

Lyrics found here.

***

I have been playing this song on repeat lately, replacing “Sarah” with “Kerry” as I listen.

This week’s
Song Lyric Sunday
is all about courage.

I’ve needed courage to move on from love, to find it again, or to trust in loving myself alone. I’ve needed courage to take a big life step with my dreams of becoming a writer. I’ve needed courage to go on without someone I’ve loved and lost. I’ve needed courage to speak, stand, or even step. I’ve needed courage to travel unknown places.

The courage for survival. Life is about rising and falling and rising once more, rising like the phoenix bird in Harry Potter.

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