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The Blue Sweater: Learning the Difference Between the Things I Say Are True and the Things I Just Want To Be True

BREVITY's Nonfiction Blog

Loree Burns 4 copyBy Loree Griffin Burns

I thought I would bring a blue sweater home with me from Ireland. I mentioned the sweater in the final sentence of a short essay I wrote for a workshop during Bay Path University’s 2018 Summer Creative Writing Seminar in Dingle. The sentence read: Then I’ll walk back to my rented bed by way of the Dingle Strand woolen shop, where I’ve promised myself the slate blue wool sweater in the back corner, the one with the hood and the pockets, the one that felt like a hug when I tried it on, the one I am certain would never wrinkle, never, ever, amen.

But interesting things, hard things, happened after I wrote that essay. The workshop instructor told us to look for heartbeat lines in our pieces, and I knew that the blue sweater was not that. The heartbeat of that little essay was…

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Close My Eyes To See In The Dark, #SongLyricSunday

I heard the title of this particular post somewhere and thought it made sense when talking about some of our most common fears.

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This is the theme
for this week’s
Song Lyric Sunday post.

Fear is, for many people, losing the ability to see, to see clearly (often times) what’s right there, in front of them. Or what could be waiting for them, out there, somewhere up ahead.

I know this. I’ve heard this from everywhere. I understand it.

Fear of loving again. Or, perhaps, fear of life without seeing what we once could see.

The feelings of fear are everywhere. I don’t know how to avoid them. I don’t know how to quell them, how to quench their flames.

It’s one of my favourites from her extensive catalog of music. This Celine Dion song is the perfect song about the fear of letting someone in, again, after being hurt before, after losing love before.

***

Used to be that I believed in something
Used to be that I believed in love
It’s been a long time since I’ve had that feeling
I could love someone, I could trust someone
I said I’d never let nobody near my heart again, darlin’
I said I’d never let nobody in

But if you asked me to
I just might change my mind
And let you in my life forever
If you asked me to
I just might give my heart
And stay here in your arms forever
If you asked me to
If you asked me to

Somehow ever since I’ve been around you
Can’t go back to being on my own
Can’t help feeling, darlin’, since I’ve found you
That I’ve found my home, that I’m finally home
I said I’d never let nobody get too close to me, darlin’
I said I needed, needed to be free

But if you asked me to
I just might change my mind
And let you in my life forever
If you asked me to
I just might give my heart
And stay here in your arms forever
If you asked me to
If you

Asked me to, I will give my world to you, baby
I need you now (I need you now)
Asked me to, and I’ll do anything (anything) for you, baby
For you, baby
(if you asked me to)
I’d let you in my life forever
(if you asked me to)
All you gotta do is ask me to
All you gotta do, all you gotta do
All you gotta do is ask me to
(if you asked me to)
I will give you my world
I will give you my world
Everything, everything, baby!
(if you asked me to)
I couldn’t ask what you do to me
If you asked me to
(if you asked me to)

LYRICS

***

The risk of loving again is the risk of losing once more.

I can’t – can I? I couldn’t – could I?

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LOST AND (UN)FOUND by Laron Chapman

HASTYWORDS

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Many of us live with irrational fears (clowns, stage fright, spiders, etc.) They grab hold of us, paralyze us, and disturb our dreams.

Some of us live with a different set of fears (the fear of sexual assault, the fear of violence, the fear of death, the fear of abandonment).

Such fears characterize real-life teen activist Brianna Jonnie, the subject of the harrowing documentary short produced by my dear friend/poet/blogger/all-around angelic creature Hasty Dawn Words.

Jonnie, who seeks equal treatment, compassion, and acknowledgment of the countless “disappearances” of indigenous people in her environment has a beautifully strong voice and courage and nerve to spare in Canadian filmmaker Byron Hamel’s visually stunning, cautionary tale, and call-to-action short, “If I Go Missing.”

Featuring candid interviews with the affected community, Jonnie, her concerned mother as well as original music (written by Hamel and performed by “The Once”), the docu-short is an eye-opening exploration…

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Sleep Perchance #ThisIsUs #SongLyricSunday

Milo Ventimiglia came over for dinner…

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In
a dream,
obviously.

Then, since that one, I dreamt I ran into Justin Trudeau, just hanging out.

I asked him, “shouldn’t you be busy, working or something?”

Dream me is super political.

***

You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep
‘Cause they fill the open air
And leave teardrops everywhere
You’d think me rude but I would just stand and stare

I’d like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly
It’s hard to say that I’d rather stay awake when I’m asleep ‘Cause everything is never as it seems

Cause I’d get a thousand hugs From ten thousand lightning bugs As they tried to teach me how to dance
A foxtrot above my head A sock hop beneath my bed A disco ball is just hanging by a thread (thread, thread)

I’d like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly
It’s hard to say that I’d rather stay awake when I’m asleep ‘
Cause everything is never as it seems (when I fall asleep)

Leave my door open just a crack Please take me away from here ‘Cause I feel like such an insomniac Please take me away from here
Why do I tire of counting sheep Please take me away from here When I’m far too tired to fall asleep

To ten million fireflies
I’m weird cause I hate goodbyes
I got misty eyes as they said farewell (said farewell)
But I’ll know where several are If my dreams get real bizarre ‘Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar (jar, jar)

I’d like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly
It’s hard to say that I’d rather stay awake when I’m asleep
‘Cause everything is never as it seems (when I fall asleep)
I’d like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly
It’s hard to say that I’d rather stay awake when I’m asleep ‘Cause everything is never as it seems (when I fall asleep)

Songwriters: Adam R. Young
Fireflies lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

***

I’m asked about what I see when I dream, as most people with blindness are asked at one time or another.

I used to see colours and faces in my waking life. I see a blur now. I don’t even know for sure, as strange as it may sound, what I see when I dream now.

I see so much in my mind yet still. I just liked Owl City’s nonsensical images in his song. Dreams are odd things, whether you see or not.

Who else’s waiting eagerly for the next season of This Is Us?

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It’s A Man’s World? What’s In A Name Anyway? #SongLyricSunday

I searched my brain and then I searched the Internet and the depths of Apple Music for Kerry.

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Not a lot of other females with the name’s exact spelling of Kerry, but I have met a few. Starting with the overdone story of how I got my own name to begin with.

Also, there was the woman at the bowling alley when I was still spending my days in any bowling alley at all.

I found one for this week’s challenge, and thankfully I was shown the sense in giving dance/trance music a chance in recent years:

This girl, this Kerry Leva I’ve discovered, has a lovely voice, which adds something to the repetitive sound that I can grow tired of rather quickly otherwise.

***

I know you’re scared
But you don’t need to be
If you want me
Then please just stay with me
Don’t be afraid, I just wanna love you
Don’t make it hard for me, I just wanna love you
Come to me
Take my hand and let all your troubles melt away
Stay with me
Nothing in the world can come between us
We’ve come so far
To watch this slip away
I know you love me
So baby please just stay
Don’t make it hard for me; I just wanna love you
Don’t be afraid; I just wanna love you
Come to me
Take my hand and let all your troubles melt away
Stay with me
Nothing in the world can come between us

LYRICS

***

On this
Song Lyric Sunday,
on the suggestion of
KIRSTWRITES,
I am pleased I found Kerry and I am proud to share my name with this artist/performer.

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We’re All The Losers Now, #SongLyricSunday

“MISSION ACCOMPLISHED,” MY ASS!

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Okay, so I’m not following the recommended prompt this week, as I have my mind on something else:

I want the powers of this world to
stay
out of things they have no business inserting themselves, and us, into.

While missiles fly, their makers so proud, I wonder, what it’s all really for.

To stop more innocent lives from chemical weapons…I sure hope that’s all, but I fear there’s more to it than that.

From whom do we trust our correct information to come?

***

Who will save the war child baby? Who controls the key? The web we weave is thick and sordid, Fine by me.
At times of war we’re all the losers, There’s no victory. We shoot to kill and kill your lover, Fine by me.
War child, victim of political pride. Plant the seed, territorial greed. Mind the war child, We should mind the war child.

I spent last winter in New York,
And came upon a man.
He was sleeping on the streets and homeless,
He said, “I fought in Vietnam.”
Beneath his shirt he wore the mark,
He bore the mark with pride.
A two inch deep incision carved, Into his side.

War child, victim of political pride. Plant the seed, territorial greed. Mind the war child, We should mind the war child.

Who’s the loser now? Who’s the loser now? We’re all the losers now. We’re all the losers now.

War child. [X2]

LYRICS

***

On The Cranberries’ third album
“To The Faithful Departed”
they wrote two songs about war.

I am including this one, but this was in the 90s. I was still young enough then, to be focused on my own problems, mostly unaware of any world affairs.

Dolores and her bandmates wrote “Zombie” on their second album (No Need To Argue) and then, next, they wrote “War Child” and
Bosnia
because of the conflict that was going on in the 90s, as they wrote.

This second song about the frustration of wars is epic:

“When do the saints go marching in?”

And other lyrics are just as heartbreaking, about the innocent children, and using the choir of young voices, ending the song with a music box, playing Brahms Lullaby, as if people were wiped away and all that remained was a child’s toy.

Talking accomplishments, winners and losers, and I say we’re all losing here.

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Don’t Let It Get Away, #SongLyricSunday

I had lots of ideas for a song and its lyrics last week, but I needed a bit of a break.

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I skipped out on last week’s
Song Lyric Sunday,
probably because the theme was
“seeing,”
and I suspect the whole thing was a little too close for comfort at the time.

I wouldn’t normally be so sensitive to reality, but I’d just received some news, a few days earlier, and I didn’t feel like hearing all the songs about seeing and eyes. My blindness is usually more of a background noise that I use music, of all kinds, to help me cope with. I am curious about all the song choices that were thought up.

But I’m back with this favourite of mine:

This one always cheers me up and brightens my day.

***

The heart is a bloom
Shoots up through the stony ground
There’s no room
No space to rent in this town
You’re out of luck
And the reason that you had to care
The traffic is stuck
And you’re not moving anywhere
You thought you’d found a friend
To take you out of this place
Someone you could lend a hand
In return for grace

It’s a beautiful day
Sky falls, you feel like It’s a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away

You’re on the road
But you’ve got no destination
You’re in the mud
In the maze of her imagination
You’re lovin’ this town
Even if that doesn’t ring true
You’ve been all over
And it’s been all over you

It’s a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away
It’s a beautiful day

Touch me
Take me to that other place
Teach me
I know I’m not a hopeless case

See the world in green and blue
See China right in front of you
See the canyons broken by cloud
See the tuna fleets clearing the sea out
See the Bedouin fires at night
See the oil fields at first light and
See the bird with a leaf in her mouth
After the flood all the colors came out

It was a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away
Beautiful day

Touch me
Take me to that other place
Reach me
I know I’m not a hopeless case

What you don’t have you don’t need it now
What you don’t know you can feel it somehow
What you don’t have you don’t need it now
Don’t need it now

It was a beautiful day

(Songwriters: Paul David Hewson / David Howell Evans / Adam Charles Clayton / Laurence Joseph Mullen)

***

U2 was playing a lot, in my earlier days, as the band was a favourite of my brother at one time.

Whenever I require a bit of perking up, though I am no real U2 fan myself, this one is still guaranteed to lift my spirits and make the day seem full of possibilities.

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