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Saturday Sometimes Sucks Without You, #SoCS #JusJoJan

It’s personal to its maker. It comes from the heart, somewhere deep down. It struggles when commercialized.

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On this second Saturday of January,
Stream of Consciousness Saturday #SoCS
and
Just Jot It January #JusJoJan
come together once more.

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I am catching up with these daily January jots while I have working Internet for uploading. Not exactly conducive to the making.

There are some things hanging on my walls, but I cannot see them and must reach up or climb up to remind myself that they hang there. I hear about art I’d like to own, but I don’t. I often wonder if I would have become an artist, visual artist, as I used to want to be when I was a child. If I hadn’t lost more vision, I will always wonder.

Some news stories surface about a blind artist, but it’s not as easy as that. I love that sentiment, that we are told as children, that we can be whatever we wish. Love it, but I don’t know how truthful we’re being when we say it.

Yes, I know there’s always sculpture.

I can jot or let stream of consciousness run wild here, but will it be art? Can I express myself well enough, trust myself not to ramble on too too much?

Art makes me think all that stifling I sometimes feel can be washed away. There’s just too much going on, things I can’t control, can’t see the outcome of any of it. Art makes me feel like that’s not so important, whatever kind of art that might be.

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Less Illness, More Travel #JusJoJan

It’s January and this is the time of year we most think of for one thing in particular.

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It’s been a while since I had it,
the flu,
the kind that knocks me down and puts me out of commission.

The debate about the flu shot continues, even though science is quite certain. Most people don’t debate, but they have their doubts, thinking it really doesn’t matter, make much of a difference. They don’t get one themselves, not really thinking they could end up spreading something to other more vulnerable people in society. They don’t even think most strains of the flu are covered anyway.

I get the shot now, as I don’t see the harm, if my status as a kidney recipient might make me at risk, however remote, that I could lose the kidney my father donated over twenty years ago.

Children are most vulnerable this year, especially, as cases of children dying from flu are making the news here in Canada.

I did travel well last year:
I flew
from west coast of Canada to southeastern United States.

Here’s to more travel and less illness in 2019 for us all.

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Teaching My Feet To Fly, On The Shortest Day of the Year #SongLyricSunday

I missed the full moon, but it felt dark all day, and I liked it.

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There was something magical about the date, December 21st, and
this season and winter solstice
in particular.

She is no Joni Mitchell, but Sarah McLachlan does a beautiful job, like usual:

She makes me want to go in search for the perfect frozen river.

***

It’s coming on Christmas
They’re cutting down trees
They’re putting up reindeer
And singing songs of joy and peace
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
But it don’t snow here
It stays pretty green
I’m going to make a lot of money
Then I’m going to quit this crazy scene
I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I made my baby cry
He tried hard to help me
You know, he put me at ease
And he loved me so naughty
Made me weak in the knees
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I’m so hard to handle
I’m selfish and I’m sad
Now I’ve gone and lost the best baby
That I ever had
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly
Oh I wish I had a river
I made my baby say goodbye
It’s coming on Christmas
They’re cutting down trees
They’re putting up reindeer
And singing songs of joy and peace
I wish I had a river
I could skate away on

Songwriters: Joni Mitchell
River lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Crazy Crow Music / Siquomb Music Publishing

***

I imagine myself, on a dark winter’s night, gliding along a river so long, and I would be flying along it by blade.

Maybe, on the Yukon River, skating by Whitehorse and into the night in the north.

It would go on and on, for miles and miles, all night even. I wouldn’t grow tired. I’d just fly.

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Leaving My Tracks in the Snow, #SongLyricSunday

That voice. That violin. Talk about girl power.

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For this week’s
Song Lyric Sunday,
I am simply choosing a few girls, as the prompt suggests, to feature a lovely team of artists.

Not a word as a lyric, but I wanted to feature this particular song this month:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EB5mHI4WXn8

You tell me this isn’t worth featuring?

***

How pale is the sky that brings forth the rain
As the changing of seasons prepares me again
For the long bitter nights and the wild winter’s day
My heart has grown cold, my love stored away
My heart has grown cold, my love stored away

I’ve been to the mountain, left my tracks in the snow
Where souls have been lost and the walking wounded go
I’ve taken the pain no girl should endure
Faith can move mountains; of that I am sure
But faith can move mountains; of that I am sure

Just get me through December
A promise I’ll remember
Get me through December
So I can start again

No divine purpose brings freedom from sin
And peace is a gift that must come from within
I’ve looked for the love that will bring me to rest
Feeding this hunger beating strong in my chest
Feeding this hunger beating strong in my chest

Get me through December
A promise I’ll remember
Get me through December
So I can start again

Songwriters: Fred Lavery / Gordie Sampson
Get Me Through December lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc, BMG Rights Management

***

This song makes me want to cry, both from the sorts of emotions it brings up in me and also from the beauty of the song itself.

December makes me happy and it makes me sad at the same time. Sometimes I want to bask in these days, leading up to Christmas, and sometimes I only want some help getting through December to a brand new year.

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Reading Like a Writer: On Uncertainty

Uncertainty is what I’m dealing with, as I am trying to write the story I feel I need to tell. This post comes at just the right moment. Maybe, I am meant to keep learning and growing as a writer and a person, as I try different things, in pursuit of the final story.

BREVITY's Nonfiction Blog

By Jennifer Berney

Several weeks ago, Elizabeth Bruenig’s essay “What do we owe her now?” ran in the Washington Post. It tells the story of a teenage girl in Arlington, Texas who, in 2006, accused two of her peers of rape, and was immediately doubted, mocked, and driven out of her community. It’s a remarkable piece of writing—part literary personal essay, part investigative journalism—that tries to understand “why [the victim] wasn’t just doubted but hated, not simply mocked but exiled — and why it had always lingered on my conscience like an article of unfinished business.”

The way Bruenig grapples with unfinished business provides us with a model for working through uncertainty in our own writing—and in doing so, greatly enhancing the depth and tension in our work.

[If you haven’t read it yet, click through to read it here (CW for rape) and come back for discussion.]

Bruenig’s…

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The Blue Sweater: Learning the Difference Between the Things I Say Are True and the Things I Just Want To Be True

BREVITY's Nonfiction Blog

Loree Burns 4 copyBy Loree Griffin Burns

I thought I would bring a blue sweater home with me from Ireland. I mentioned the sweater in the final sentence of a short essay I wrote for a workshop during Bay Path University’s 2018 Summer Creative Writing Seminar in Dingle. The sentence read: Then I’ll walk back to my rented bed by way of the Dingle Strand woolen shop, where I’ve promised myself the slate blue wool sweater in the back corner, the one with the hood and the pockets, the one that felt like a hug when I tried it on, the one I am certain would never wrinkle, never, ever, amen.

But interesting things, hard things, happened after I wrote that essay. The workshop instructor told us to look for heartbeat lines in our pieces, and I knew that the blue sweater was not that. The heartbeat of that little essay was…

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Close My Eyes To See In The Dark, #SongLyricSunday

I heard the title of this particular post somewhere and thought it made sense when talking about some of our most common fears.

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This is the theme
for this week’s
Song Lyric Sunday post.

Fear is, for many people, losing the ability to see, to see clearly (often times) what’s right there, in front of them. Or what could be waiting for them, out there, somewhere up ahead.

I know this. I’ve heard this from everywhere. I understand it.

Fear of loving again. Or, perhaps, fear of life without seeing what we once could see.

The feelings of fear are everywhere. I don’t know how to avoid them. I don’t know how to quell them, how to quench their flames.

It’s one of my favourites from her extensive catalog of music. This Celine Dion song is the perfect song about the fear of letting someone in, again, after being hurt before, after losing love before.

***

Used to be that I believed in something
Used to be that I believed in love
It’s been a long time since I’ve had that feeling
I could love someone, I could trust someone
I said I’d never let nobody near my heart again, darlin’
I said I’d never let nobody in

But if you asked me to
I just might change my mind
And let you in my life forever
If you asked me to
I just might give my heart
And stay here in your arms forever
If you asked me to
If you asked me to

Somehow ever since I’ve been around you
Can’t go back to being on my own
Can’t help feeling, darlin’, since I’ve found you
That I’ve found my home, that I’m finally home
I said I’d never let nobody get too close to me, darlin’
I said I needed, needed to be free

But if you asked me to
I just might change my mind
And let you in my life forever
If you asked me to
I just might give my heart
And stay here in your arms forever
If you asked me to
If you

Asked me to, I will give my world to you, baby
I need you now (I need you now)
Asked me to, and I’ll do anything (anything) for you, baby
For you, baby
(if you asked me to)
I’d let you in my life forever
(if you asked me to)
All you gotta do is ask me to
All you gotta do, all you gotta do
All you gotta do is ask me to
(if you asked me to)
I will give you my world
I will give you my world
Everything, everything, baby!
(if you asked me to)
I couldn’t ask what you do to me
If you asked me to
(if you asked me to)

LYRICS

***

The risk of loving again is the risk of losing once more.

I can’t – can I? I couldn’t – could I?

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LOST AND (UN)FOUND by Laron Chapman

HASTYWORDS

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Many of us live with irrational fears (clowns, stage fright, spiders, etc.) They grab hold of us, paralyze us, and disturb our dreams.

Some of us live with a different set of fears (the fear of sexual assault, the fear of violence, the fear of death, the fear of abandonment).

Such fears characterize real-life teen activist Brianna Jonnie, the subject of the harrowing documentary short produced by my dear friend/poet/blogger/all-around angelic creature Hasty Dawn Words.

Jonnie, who seeks equal treatment, compassion, and acknowledgment of the countless “disappearances” of indigenous people in her environment has a beautifully strong voice and courage and nerve to spare in Canadian filmmaker Byron Hamel’s visually stunning, cautionary tale, and call-to-action short, “If I Go Missing.”

Featuring candid interviews with the affected community, Jonnie, her concerned mother as well as original music (written by Hamel and performed by “The Once”), the docu-short is an eye-opening exploration…

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Sleep Perchance #ThisIsUs #SongLyricSunday

Milo Ventimiglia came over for dinner…

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In
a dream,
obviously.

Then, since that one, I dreamt I ran into Justin Trudeau, just hanging out.

I asked him, “shouldn’t you be busy, working or something?”

Dream me is super political.

***

You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep
‘Cause they fill the open air
And leave teardrops everywhere
You’d think me rude but I would just stand and stare

I’d like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly
It’s hard to say that I’d rather stay awake when I’m asleep ‘Cause everything is never as it seems

Cause I’d get a thousand hugs From ten thousand lightning bugs As they tried to teach me how to dance
A foxtrot above my head A sock hop beneath my bed A disco ball is just hanging by a thread (thread, thread)

I’d like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly
It’s hard to say that I’d rather stay awake when I’m asleep ‘
Cause everything is never as it seems (when I fall asleep)

Leave my door open just a crack Please take me away from here ‘Cause I feel like such an insomniac Please take me away from here
Why do I tire of counting sheep Please take me away from here When I’m far too tired to fall asleep

To ten million fireflies
I’m weird cause I hate goodbyes
I got misty eyes as they said farewell (said farewell)
But I’ll know where several are If my dreams get real bizarre ‘Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar (jar, jar)

I’d like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly
It’s hard to say that I’d rather stay awake when I’m asleep
‘Cause everything is never as it seems (when I fall asleep)
I’d like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly
It’s hard to say that I’d rather stay awake when I’m asleep ‘Cause everything is never as it seems (when I fall asleep)

Songwriters: Adam R. Young
Fireflies lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

***

I’m asked about what I see when I dream, as most people with blindness are asked at one time or another.

I used to see colours and faces in my waking life. I see a blur now. I don’t even know for sure, as strange as it may sound, what I see when I dream now.

I see so much in my mind yet still. I just liked Owl City’s nonsensical images in his song. Dreams are odd things, whether you see or not.

Who else’s waiting eagerly for the next season of This Is Us?

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It’s A Man’s World? What’s In A Name Anyway? #SongLyricSunday

I searched my brain and then I searched the Internet and the depths of Apple Music for Kerry.

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Not a lot of other females with the name’s exact spelling of Kerry, but I have met a few. Starting with the overdone story of how I got my own name to begin with.

Also, there was the woman at the bowling alley when I was still spending my days in any bowling alley at all.

I found one for this week’s challenge, and thankfully I was shown the sense in giving dance/trance music a chance in recent years:

This girl, this Kerry Leva I’ve discovered, has a lovely voice, which adds something to the repetitive sound that I can grow tired of rather quickly otherwise.

***

I know you’re scared
But you don’t need to be
If you want me
Then please just stay with me
Don’t be afraid, I just wanna love you
Don’t make it hard for me, I just wanna love you
Come to me
Take my hand and let all your troubles melt away
Stay with me
Nothing in the world can come between us
We’ve come so far
To watch this slip away
I know you love me
So baby please just stay
Don’t make it hard for me; I just wanna love you
Don’t be afraid; I just wanna love you
Come to me
Take my hand and let all your troubles melt away
Stay with me
Nothing in the world can come between us

LYRICS

***

On this
Song Lyric Sunday,
on the suggestion of
KIRSTWRITES,
I am pleased I found Kerry and I am proud to share my name with this artist/performer.

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