TToT: An Epoch In My Life – Equations and Conjugations #BlackSwan #OneWorld #TogetherAtHome #10Thankful

“’The matter with human beans,’ the BFG went on, ‘is that they is absolutely refusing to believe anything unless they is actually seeing it right in front of their own schnozzles. ‘” …

—The BFG by Roald Dahl

So much going on that writing here often now slips through my fingers and gets lost in the recesses of my brain, but I have plenty to be thankful for-so let’s go.

Ten Things of Thankful #10Thankful

With the novel coronavirus, covid-45 up to his bullshit, and now the worst mass shooting in Canadian history having taken place this past weekend. I am trying to find moments of joy, ways to distract myself and my racing thoughts, and ideas to harness the creativity I have inside.

I wish, oh how I wish the world could all be on the same page with this, to work together, which seems so very simple to me. Apparently not?

We can sit around and blame China or the US or anyone else, but where does that get us?

All the finger pointing and wide gaps in the seriousness of the way this virus is being taken and all those conspiracy theories floating around. Why can’t things just be what they are? Like the quote I started this week’s TToT with, humans refuse to admit until they see with their eyes, and during times like these, not even then.

I am thankful for this song.

The Book of Love – Gavin James

I am thankful for a new online writing class I’ve started and the community of writers who are willing to open up and share.

The instructor started a WhatsApp group for all of us and we’re all leaving audio messages there, for each other, and as a place for reflection and contemplation.

She suggested we think up a name for the group and I thought of black swan because it’s a term being used to describe this pandemic and also, there are swans down at the park by my house now. I remember their white, graceful, loveliness as I watched them glide across water. Now I no longer see them, but I think a swan could be still beautiful, even a black one. Why not?

I know we’re often tempted to describe tough times like these as dark times, looking for the light, but I often get tired of these images we use to describe the bad and the good of life, but yet I know I can’t make every person stop describing life this way. It is what it is, as a writer, but I know the images that are created powerfully in words that bring to mind such metaphors.

I see it as a way to express how we are all going through an unprecedented period in history together, but also, along with all the negatives there can be beauty.

I am thankful for music to get me through hard times, like the live concert I got to see the other night.

Sarah Slean sold tickets, but for much much less than I’d pay to see a show in person, certainly less than I paid to see her live on a bitterly cold December night back in 2017.

Day One – Sarah Slean

I know Zoom has its issues, and I had to turn the voice off my iPhone while watching or else all the hundreds of people commenting would make Voiceover go berserk.

Sarah is so cheery, the kind of cheery you can hear in her voice, as her smile is audible when she speaks. Her singing voice is just brilliant and so is her piano playing.

She is excellent with a string section behind her, don’t get me wrong, but there was just something about the simplicity of a woman and her piano in her home in Toronto with 776 people listening to her performance.

I am thankful for the virtual camino walk I’m on.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3Ekot38tV8&feature=youtu.be

I have many places in Europe I’d like to get to, but Italy was never high on that list for some reason. I am not sure why, but now Spain is up there.

A writer who creates unique travel experiences put together something to occupy us and help us find our way through all this, starting a group on Facebook and every day she posts a file where she describes a chunk of a camino, Camino de Frances in this case. I would have trouble handling such walks in real life, with my blindness and my chronic pain issues, but this is totally doable. No blisters if I choose not to imagine them, though I know I get off easy in this case.

All these ancient routs that pilgrims went on, going back to the sixth century or the tenth. I simply can’t imagine. This music she shared told a story to perspective travellers. It puts me in that frame of mind.

I write a daily corona diary to my long since departed grandmother, but I also take her and all my ancestors along on the camino with me.

I am thankful for something called Annedemic.

Winter Green – The East Pointers

The band, The East Pointers, they’ve come up with something to help raise money for struggling musicians who have lost touring opportunities. Themselves or one of their friends or musicians they’ve played with read one chapter of Anne of Green Gables a night on Facebook live. It’s always entertaining and I forget how much I love that story. It’s just a lot of fun to distract from all that isn’t.

I am thankful I can travel even when grounded in place.

TVO Original TRIPPING the Rideau Canal

I love the Rideau Canal and especially when it freezes over in winter and becomes a long stretch of skating surface.

I experienced that back in 2015 and I wish to go back there, since skating again with family in these last five years and most recently, right before the coronavirus took centre stage.

I went to Ottawa last year, right around now, to a conference and I brought a friend with me. I stood out on our balcony and recorded a soundscape of the capital city of Canada and I still plan to write some poetry of some kind and record my voice reading it over that city backdrop.

I am thankful to be in Canada during covid.

In spite of everything, this country is handling the pandemic better than many other places. When I heard an interview with Andrew Cuomo I heard someone who knew what he was talking about and who works hard. That’s what leadership should look like, but other so-called leaders are impossible to follow.

Here we have kept the numbers of infections and dreaded dead down to a lower amount than elsewhere. We come together during hard times, like this virus and now the shooting Nova Scotia has suffered.

I am thankful I got to speak with my family members, even if we’re social distancing for now.

My niece and nephew told me all about what they got from the Easter Bunny and then my niece gave me a book report, of sorts, about the BFG.

Snozzcumbers Soph, really?

The main character’s name is Sophie – close but we call our Sophia Soph.

I really should get a copy of a book my niece is reading and read along too. We could have a little Roald Dahl book club of sorts, even from a distance. My teacher read us Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and, I believe, and the Glass Elevator in fourth grade, but I hardly remember except for some truly awful alien creatures in the latter story. I could use a refresher.

I am thankful that the re-test of my blood, creatinine level, it was repeated and has gone down again.

From 70-80 for years and years, up to 110 at the end of 2019, down to 100 at my birthday, and now down to 93 – I’ll take it, for now.

And I am thankful for this poem and the journey it relays.

David Whyte: Santiago

My writing instructor recommended it. I had not heard of David Whyte before.

As Anne Shirly would say, this is sure to be an epoch in my life, this virus, for better or for worse and everything/everywhere in between.

TToT: Storage Almost Full – Victorious! #10Thankful

“The trees were still leafless, black, cold; but the fine twigs were swelling towards spring, so that looking upward it was with an expectation of the first glimmering greenness. Yet everything was calm, and the sky was a calm, classic blue.”

—Doris Lessing

All About That Bass – Meghan Trainor

It was a lovely afternoon, writing outside, on my back deck, while a day-time music jam went on in my basement.

So much about families who have had humiliation and abuse happening, I’ve been hearing about this week. Last weekend was International Day of Families. I had lots of family time this last week, with taking care of each other, helping each other out, and a birthday celebration too. I am glad I can be there for them when they need me and that I have them when I’m the one in need.

This week I did what would have been unthinkable, even just a few months ago, and I found more inspiration to keep doing new and exciting things.

(For a first glimpse, a reveal if you will of my developing violin talents – read on!)

TEN THINGS OF THANKFUL

For my family.

I am lucky. I know.

For the chance to learn about a part of the world I know very little about.

I got a detailed account, during a car ride, about China, a part of the world I’ve never been to and know very little of.

It’s so wonderful, to me, when we can learn about a place that feels so very far off and foreign, but that’s why I love a well narrated travel tale.

For yet another nearly perfect checkup for my transplanted kidney.

I am now less than one month from marking 19 years with my father’s kidney he donated.

My creatinine level was once again 70 and this is where it has stayed, for years and years, where once it reached an all-time dangerously toxic level of twelve hundred

Anything under 100 is perfect, as long as the number doesn’t keep increasing. Mine has been no higher than the eighties for years.

For a catch-up lunch with someone from my past and that of my brother.

We shared news and it was no longer a strictly teacher/student interaction.

We conversed as three adults, a definite shift from how it once was. I even gave her a copy of the anthology my story appeared in last year, as a thank you.

I wanted to thank her for all she did. She taught me braille and got me through so much. I wouldn’t be where I am today without her guidance all those years.

For the chance to perform my violin for my sister, as her birthday present.

I thought that could be the best present I could give her this year, other than the trip out to the nail salon together last week that is.

I was nervous, with my first real live performance, second song ever learned.

I don’t know how musicians perform in front of groups of people like that. Although it was only a small group of six, I felt apprehensive and later decided to share it on Facebook.

Reason is that I hope it will give me motivation to keep working hard to improve.

That a friend from far away happened to see the post on Facebook.

I appreciated her unexpected support, only in that it was a surprise to me that she happened upon the video in the first place. She’s one busy lady.

For the smell of BBQ somewhere in the spring afternoon air.

For a beautiful day to be outside while musicians played their hearts out inside my house.

Other times it is later in the evening. This time I could enjoy the warm weather and the music wasn’t quite so loud from inside the house out to where I was relaxing.

For the opportunity to reflect on what it takes for me to show myself a little self compassion.

Loving My Self-ish, #compassion #1000Speak

Another 20th of the month has come and gone and I nearly skipped it, but glad I decided to write what came to mind.

For a promising start, the hope that I won’t end up one of those one-hit-wonder song lyric writers.

My brother and I are beginning our second collaboration together and I am really excited to see where it might lead.

I didn’t think I could do it last time and now I have “Don’t Look Back” of which I am immensely proud.

Announcing My Lyric Writing Debut

I have high hopes for “Decade Adrift” in the days and weeks to come.

But now…without further adieu:

Happy Birthday Song For My Sister (violin edition)

Hope that wasn’t nearly as painful for you to listen to as it was for me.

Hope I can get this post added in time. It’s off to sleep for me now.

Happy Victoria Day or whatever long weekend holiday you’re celebrating. Hope no more fireworks keep me up tonight.

TToT: Words Glorious Words – Reed Running Amuck in the Reeds, #10Thankful

“But there is always a November space after the leaves have fallen when she felt it was almost indecent to intrude on the woods…for their glory terrestrial had departed and their glory celestial of spirit and purity and whiteness had not yet come upon them.”

–L.M. Montgomery

Damn, do I love this Montgomery quote.

TEN THINGS OF THANKFUL

Not sure, but I believe this past week, here, felt more like summer than fall, but I heard few complaints.

Summer Breeze

This week has been all about nature, music, and words, the third allowing me to express my love for the first two.

Ten Things of Thankful:

For creatinine at 70 and my father to ask if it is possible for this level in the blood to be too low.

Another six month checkup behind me and my creatinine is lower than it has been in a few years.

Every time I go in to get my kidney function checked, I wonder: is this going to be the day everything falls apart?

It’s been eighteen years since I received a kidney from my father. Most days, I tell myself I can break records and I think about the huge party I’m planning to throw when I reach the twenty-year mark.

(You are all invited by the way.)

🙂

Other times, the reality hits me that, though the nurses keep reminding me nothing would happen that fast, I know I may have to go back on dialysis again, at any time, and nobody can say when and nobody can stop it.

Until that day, I keep on praying for advancements in medical science and for each six months I’m given, dialysis free.

For the reminder of the beauty of nature all around me, to remember to stop and take it in once and a while.

My mother reminded me of this, my nephew reminded me of this, and our warmer-than-usual first-week-of-November weather reminded me of this too.

For the sound of rippling, not quite waves.

We spent an afternoon along the shore of the small lake in my town. With just the noise of a gentle ripple I let the warm breeze rustle my hair and looked out over the water.

It’s more of a subtle sound and it fit the slight breeze and the warmth of the day, a small break in the cooler fall temperatures.

For the discovery of some truly wonderful music I did not know existed.

Florence + The Machine – Where Are You Now?

For artists trying new things, doing things their own way, and making kick ass music.

For those who know you, parts of you, and what you like, even if you never would have liked something before they came along. Even as time marches onward, certain people know best the parts of you that nobody else might have been witness to.

For do-overs and the ability to still smile and find good memories, even after rough times. And for time, the best way to deal with heartbreak.

It’s not always easy, does not become so in any real linear way, but I know of no better option.

For my first week of my new writer’s group.

Words with Friends

I tried my best to write about my first experience, as a part of the group, as scary as it was at the time.

It was also exhilarating too. I wish I’d started months ago, but this group only began last January, I was told.

For the part where I was recognized, which made my first week in a group of strangers a little less overwhelming.

The woman who runs the group is a friend of a family member of my family.

This woman happens to work at the library and she knew who I was.

For the chance to talk about a favourite book of mine.

Jean Louise the Silent: My Review of “Go Set A Watchman”, Part One

This woman just happened to mention her book club the following night and what they had read. She wasn’t sure how many were going to come out in favour of Watchman, with the deep attachment to Mockingbird which exists.

Jean Louise the Silent: My Review of “Go Set A Watchman”, Part Two

When I spoke up about my love of this book, she right away invited me to join her, to be at least one person on her side, in favour of the new one.

For a festival of words and a friend who accompanied me, even if she may have been a little bored at certain moments. She made it memorable.

I only made it to the opening night reception, but perhaps next year I will attend more of the events which were put on yesterday and today.

It’s both easy and hard to be somewhere where words are what it’s all about.

I love being anywhere (whether it be critique group, book club, or festival) where writing, books, or words are the sole topic of conversation.

However, as with the reception the other night, I looked around the room and listened to the remarks made and little bits of conversation. I felt a way, perhaps, that many others felt. Everyone else here is more literary and more experienced with books than I am, whether true or not.

I’ve learned about writing, that to share and read other writers is just as wonderful as anything. I want to include a few examples, from each previous week’s TToT, at the bottom of each post I write, every single week, from now on.

GIRLIE ON THE EDGE – On autumn and the falling back of the clocks.

THE MOM CAFE – On the struggles and rewards of motherhood.

GETTING LITERAL – On the poetics of certainty.

I am moved by words, now, on a weekly basis.

“The world is wrong. You can’t put the past behind you. It’s buried in you; it’s turned your flesh into its own cupboard.”

–Claudia Rankine