I am writing about song lyrics, again today, although I wrote part One last week on Monday:
Here is my final Sunday contribution to
although hopefully not my last
It’s that list of the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance.
Of course, with love and heartbreak, the stages can become entwined and out of order. They can overlap, from one to the next and back again. This list of emotions is usually known as the stages of losing a loved one, to death, but losing “love”, in any other way, this is a loss too. Although the other person isn’t gone completely, it still feels like it, a huge shock to the system, in so many ways.
And now I present to you…GOODBYE SONGS…a “somewhat” lengthy playlist of some of the song lyrics that got me through, are still getting me through. Perhaps they may be of some comfort to someone else.
When I was younger I first heard this song and thought it was overdramatic and a bunch of silliness. Of course, the imagery is vivid and I don’t believe in war, I know love can feel rough, which makes it hard to handle. I don’t tend to yell or fight when I am in a relationship. My coping mechanism is to go quiet and hold back. I don’t know if there is a need for shouting in a relationship, but healthy conflict resolution must be possible.
When is the pain too great? When is it over, time to let go? I asked, last week, how you really know when you are falling in love. Now I ask…how do you know when you aren’t in love anymore? Does love end, change, disappear into thin air, never to be seen, felt, heard from again?
It can go on for a while, trouble, cracks forming in a relationship. Who knows when it really began. Who can say.
The denial that there’s anything underlying, underlining a growing rift. Often I feel like I can’t trust my instincts, or am afraid to, by me saying something I am going to make my worst fears come true. You cling to hope, as long as possible, until something makes things quite clear. By then it is too late, an eventuality that was always going to be the case.
“Maybe it was all too much, too much for a man to take. Everything’s bound to break. Sooner or later. sooner or later.”
Why are singers and artists obsessed with end-of-the-world, final days of humanity scenarios?
The whole “two of us against the world” thing is great and all, but I always feared it would never last, that I couldn’t ever truly count on that.
“We’re losing light, losing light. Yeah we’re fading fast. We had a fire, need a spark, or we’ll never last. Just look at me, look at me. I’ve been burning for you so long. So long. I should walk away.”
It’s the hardest thing to let go.
“I’m losing love, losing you, losing everything. Losing faith in the world where I wanna be. So I don’t care if the one thing that is killing me is so wrong, so wrong. I should walk away.”
You close your eyes to the sights playing out right in front of you. So far, rain mentioned twice, as a metaphor for the cooling off of a relationship, but fire and rain make quite the combo.
“Ooh, the reason I hold on…ooh, cause I need this hole gone.”
“I know it’s hard to remember, the people we used to be. It’s even harder to picture, that you’re not here next to me. You say it’s too late to make it, but is it too late to try? And all that time that you wasted all of my bridges burned down. I’ve wasted my nights, you turned out the lights. Now I’m paralyzed. Still stuck in that time when we called it love but even the sun sets in paradise.”
“You’re hot then you’re cold. You’re yes then you’re no. You’re in then you’re out. You’re up then you’re down. You’re wrong then it’s right. It’s black then it’s white. We fight we break up. We kiss we make up. You don’t really wanna stay, no. But you don’t really wanna go, oh.”
“Now I…I wanna know what it took to leave me?”
I could be angry at him…or at myself, for getting stuck, somewhere along the way.
What am I supposed to do?
Anger is a stage you hope you do not get stuck in for very long, but feeling the feelings has to be better than burying them deep down.
So you think that people who suffer together would be more connected than people who were content?” she asks.
Does drama need to be a requirement for most people? In the end, can’t we do without?
The video of Florence in the car with the guy is chilling, tension thick, and then the crash!
“What kind of man loves like this?”
–Florence + the Machine
voices as powerful as Florence and Adele can bring forward emotions in me, ones I only choose to cover up the rest of the time.
“The scars of your love remind me of us. They keep me thinking that we almost had it all. The scars of your love, they leave me breathless. I can’t help thinking…we could have had it all.”
“You only need the light when its burning low. Only miss the sun when it starts to snow. Only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low. Only hate the road when you’re missing home.”
It’s the whole “not knowing what you have until you no longer have it thing.
“When I’m gone. When I’m gone. You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone. You’re gonna miss me by my walk. You’re gonna miss me by my talk. Oh, you’re gonna miss me when I’m gone. You’re gonna miss me by my hair. You’re gonna miss me everywhere. Oh, you’re sure gonna miss me when I’m gone.”
Like repeating those words, over and over, like that will make it hurt less.
The lyrics that surround both sides, from anger to bargaining, cover the feelings of saving face.
It helps to assuage the strength of the anger to tell yourself they are missing out, their loss, because you are just that great.
Another catastrophic scene as the backdrop of a song about love. Hmmm.
If there is someone else, better suited for them, don’t you want that for someone you want only the best for, even if that does not include you anymore?
Maybe. Maybe not.
“Gets in his car and drives away…far from the things that we are.”
Nothing worse than when the person you thought was always going to be in your life instead gets in their car and drives away, desperate to escape what you think is you.
“Lost but now I am found. I could see but once I was blind. I was so confused as a little child. Tried to take what I could get…scared that I couldn’t find…all the answers honey.”
–Lana Del Ray
“I will survive without you.”
–Ace of Base
It’s true, of course, but the depression can take hold and make it seem unlikely that it will ever feel better.
And then the blame takes control, but only at myself.
“And I…am feeling so small. It was over my head. I know nothing at all. And I…will stumble and fall. I’m still learning to love, just starting to crawl. And I…will swallow my pride. You’re the one that I love, and I’m saying goodbye.”
–A Great Big World Feat. Christina Aguilera
Seasons go by. It’s hard to sort out what it meant to be in love, as life goes on, the feelings of anger, mostly covering up those of painful regret.
“I don’t know why I cry, but I think it’s cause I remember for the first time, since I hated you, that I used to love you.”
“How can I ever know…why some stay others go?”
At times it felt like people just kept on leaving. I thought it was something about me that kept on making them go, even when I knew with very little doubt that couldn’t be the reason, and after a while I started feeling sure they all would, in time.
It’s that thing about how one moment someone is a stranger to you, unknown and somewhere living their life, and suddenly they are a part of your life and an important part at that, and then, again and before you know what hit you, they are gone and no where to be found once more.
Where did they go and how does the heart, the system adapt?
I understand feeling lonely, but I couldn’t see how so many people move on to someone new so quickly. I couldn’t, wouldn’t even dream of it, until I had to try.
Even if it’s just to get past the mountainous wall of memories of another person, with the simple holding of a new hand, first time kissing someone other than the one before. At a certain point, once that transition is made, the world does not end and new experiences can be hat, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t an utterly strange feeling.
But is it all in a vane attempt to disguise the still lingering feelings? Is it healthy? Is it the right way? Is there even one of those to take at all?
Is it all just a part of feeling that depression, by distraction, forcing forward motion, even if its motives aren’t quite so clear or pure?
“It’s been the longest winter without you. I didn’t know where to turn to. See, somehow I can’t forget you, after all that we’ve been through. How could I turn on the TV, without something that’d remind me? Was it all that easy, to just put aside your feelings?”
The title of this song really says it all. It will get better in time. The thought of that feels daunting at first, I know, but I believe in just walking the road. That’s what I keep doing. I had to just keep the faith that I would come out stronger on the other end, but the journey continues.
Finally, right? Well, it has gotten easier, for sure. The rest of the songs I’ve included here are all upbeat, with yet still a sprinkling of sad throughout, but overall optimistic and full of truth.
I first discovered this song several years ago, as I was dealing with a wrong decision and a hard choice. Society overwhelmingly gives out the message that being single is something to pity or change, as soon as possible. I like the picture Laura paints, about what being alone again, after a relationship, what it’s really like.
“And I keep trying, I keep trying, to make my way back to the life where I belong. But God keeps lying, God keeps lying, saying this is for the best and nothing here is wrong. But I’m still thinking about, I’m still thinking about you. Still think about you.”
It’s not begging to get another person back, like so many love songs. It’s just what life’s really like. It just is.
I love the question this band asks in their song, all while singing with their signature brand of positivity, which feels like it’s imbedded in the very core of their musical sound.
“How did we get from saying “I love you” to “I’ll see you around someday”?
Good question GBS. Good question. Ah, the mysteries of life.
It’s that thought of accidentally running into the person who was once such a big part of your life, in the street one time, with a few polite words and a friendly greeting. After love, that just seems too odd to be reality, but that’s how it often goes.
I’m crossing that bridge…with lessons I’ve learned. Playing with fire and not getting burned. I may not know what you’re going through, but time is the space between me and you. Life carries on. It goes on.”
Of course, you play with fire, you’ll likely get burnt. Doesn’t mean you should stop lighting candles on a birthday cake for example. Love and relationships come with risk, which can leave a burn, a mark. It’s true that we can never be exactly certain what another person might be going through. I try to always remember that part of the equation.
“The odds are that we…will probably be all right. Odds are we’re gonna be alright. Odds are we’re gonna be alright for another night.”
I don’t always do that well with odds, but in this song, when he says it I believe it.
“But somewhere in the world someone’s gonna fall in love by the end of this song.”
And so the trick soon becomes to not completely close off to the possibility of love. It’s tempting to shy away, fearing another eventual burn, but there is always hope.
“I’ve been spending the last eight months…thinking all love ever does is break…and burn…and end. But on a Wednesday, in a cafe, I watched it begin again.”
Moving on is acceptance and acceptance is moving on.
“I know, people make promises…all the time…then they turn right around and break them.”
Don’t punish yourself and someone else for the past. Don’t be afraid to love.
I hope I end this story on an uplifting note. I’ll give Ed the last word.
“Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes, but it’s the only thing that I know.
When it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes, it is the only thing makes us feel alive.”
–Ed Sheeran, Photograph