On this particularly blustery November day I feel closed in. I feel uncomfortable to even step a little distance out of my house, having the wind pummel and push me. Any strong forceful weather like this can be very disorienting.
And so, on this particular Memoir Monday, for the
I m indoors and listening to the roar.
When last week I wrote about how
this week I get to write about whatever’s on my mind; so here goes.
Okay, so I have been called overly sensitive, on occasion, but here it goes anyway.
Having a disability can cause many of life’s normal, natural events, that we all experience, to take on double meanings. Maybe just to me and so here I will share them with you.
Sometimes I yearn to have these certain experiences, just like other people do, without there having to be something else going on. Here are four of the top ones I can think of, to help me illustrate the point I’m trying, maybe not too successfully, to make.
Holding hands with someone I love.
I think this is one of the best parts of being in a relationship with someone. I love the intimacy and the connection that I feel.
There are three options for walking somewhere with another person: on my own and with a white cane, holding on to someone’s arm (sighted guide), or (if dating) holding hands.
It is important to obtain a certain amount of independence when you are visually impaired, but what if I just want to hold hands with someone I care about?
Normally, a couple holding hands is a sweet gesture, a pretty picture. When I do it there can be reproaches, questioning, for why I am not being independent enough and walking on my own.
There are just certain things that are better done with other people. It is done for necessity’s sake, someone grabbing a few groceries on their own, but in most cases shopping is done with two or more people.
Whether it’s my parents, sister, or a boyfriend and whether it’s food or clothes I want the company. Something like shopping is simply much more enjoyable with more than one person.
Whether because it isn’t possible to just jump in the car and run a few errands, because it helps to have someone else to help decide on what food items to purchase, or because shopping for clothes is more fun with someone to offer their opinion.
Of course I can’t see the clothes I’m buying and I know those customer service people just don’t know what my favourite brand of crackers might be.
This is on my mind a lot at the moment, with my plans in the works and my hope of starting a travel website and developing a career as a travel writer in the future.
I went ahead and took the plunge by starting the website, but I have not worked out all the kinks. To be able to write about travel I want to be able to actually travel and herein lies the conundrum.
Sure, the idea of a blind woman traveling alone would make for an inspiring story. People would be amazed that I could do such a thing.
I either need to make this happen or I need to travel with someone. I can’t just want to choose to be one of most people who prefer to travel with a friend or a loved one. For me, the option of traveling alone would make me an inspiration and otherwise I need a babysitter, someone to be my guide and my protector out there in the big bad world.
Fear of growing old alone.
We all fear the prospect of this at one time or another in life. Most people, if they thought about it, would have to admit that they wouldn’t choose to grow old all alone. Of course we’re all going to face the possibility of this from widowhood one day, but this is unavoidable.
I’m talking about the fact that when I fear that my disability could prevent me from ever finding lasting love, I imagine myself being old and alone and then one other thing creeps in.
Of course I want someone, need someone to take care of me because I couldn’t possibly be okay on my own.
Or perhaps I just want the love and companionship that we all look for.
So whether it’s holding hands with the person I love, shopping, travel, or growing old I may be the only one to think like this, but this week’s prompt was to write about whatever was on my mind. Well there you have it.
So do you think this is all in my head or do you see what I am saying in this post? You can tell me. My family think I am being hypersensitive so I can take it. Love to hear your perspective on disability and the double meanings of life’s common experiences.
I am pleased and touched to be included in this project, put together by the organizer of the challenge. Check it out here:
and stay tuned for next week and a return to the posed questions and discussion topics.
Describe a good day in relation to the ways your life is affected by disability.