I haven’t done one of these in a while.
I could say I’ve been lazy, but this is a double “z” post and so that won’t cut it.
I’m genuinely
puzzled
by so many things, too many to list, but I’ll give it a try.
How people disregard the potential seriousness of this coronavirus.
I know we need an economy and we need human contact and touch and socialization and companionship. I know I know – when I hear people I once spent time with, how they think there’s more than this virus to consider. Of course there is, but I also know I’m afraid of getting covid-19 and it destroying my life with my father’s kidney, let alone worse possible outcomes. I am not overly cautious, but I also haven’t gone out much. I try not to let it take over, but it is here to stay, for the foreseeable future. I am scared, when I hear reports of how other organs are damaged, not only the lungs.
When I hear the phrase now: “I can’t breathe,” I think of both George Floyd and all biopic who fear for their Black men and women, not wanting the children to inherit this version of the world, and I also think of people on ventilators and I shiver slightly for a moment in bewilderment.
That racism is still a thing or ever was one.
Of course, that’s a simplistic, childlike way to look at it and I am no longer one, still wishing I could be again now. I know the reasons behind, as awful as they are, and I am doing my best to educate myself even further.
I’ve been away from blogging, on the whole, for a while now and I’m more overtaken by all that’s going on in the world.
I am worried this will be a long summer, longer than last year after I hurt someone badly and even longer than the summer of 2016 when the whole world seemed sure Hillary Clinton was certain to win.
I was confused about how people could be so sure because I wasn’t.
Now here we are again. What happens in the US seems to leave its mark on us in other places. As hard as I’d like to escape from the reality of racism in 2020 and in the prospect of #45 winning a second term, I cannot.
I am genuinely baffled that anyone ever saw him as successful and, thus, giving people hope they could also be rich and powerful? I think that’s what it is.
I sense bullshit easily and he has always given off that air, even before people called him Mr. President.
People are out in the streets here in Canada too, protesting because this matters. I am puzzled by power and the lengths some will go to get it, but I wish I could experience a Black Lives Matter protest. I admit I am afraid, even with being outside and social distancing and masks, I am afraid I could be exposed and be one of those who are worse off after being positive. My kidney won’t work forever, like my technology won’t, but I am still hoping to avoid losing my transplant to this pandemic.
I’m always puzzled about computers and how they work. I don’t get there naturally.
So before this stream of consciousness threatens to run wild, I will end by offering one final observation, less timely than what I’ve been writing so far.
But wait…
I note the differences between the US and Canada like I think of the letter “Z” because, while we say it as “ed,” the US says it like: “e.”
And that’s just the start of our differences, but when it comes to thinking Canada is so much better adjusted than our neighbours, I want to believe it, but I know, wherever you are, there is tribalism and fear of “the other” in our society. I am genuinely bowled over by some things, but I can’t look away and pretend I don’t see.
I am blind and I see less and less, but I am more and more puzzled by the state of things and I feel it all most intensely.
Speaking of technology, I do like to think of zz as a funny sound when my technology, my screen reader says it, zz zz zz zz
It makes me want to go to sleep: zzzzzzzzzzz
Her Headache 